MY 122 DAY RESET

I launched 'Dominatrix of Design' just before the pandemic. My dream was to become the Celeste Barber of Interior Design. But when the pandemic hit, I thought it would be insensitive to playfully poke fun of my life (and others) in the design world.

So after being dormant for close to three years, I’m reinventing and reinvesting in my alter ego with a major reset.

Day 1 starts today!

I’m dedicating myself to work living a better and more healthy life. I have given myself from September 1st – January 1st. That is 4 months, 17 weeks, or as I will refer to it, 122 days.

I’m going to be my own Dominatrix but instead of Design, I’m going to take control of all my bad habits which led me to where I am today.

But let me do a quick recap.

2018 - I was a CrossFit junkie. But when the pain kept showing up and I kept pushing through thinking I could “will it away.” First my wrist, then tennis elbow, then my neck and finally landing in my lower back. I experienced a stabbing pain (like an ice pick) in my lower back for 4 years.

I gained 50 lbs in 5 years. It was not because of the pandemic. It might have been partially fueled by menopause but really, it is most likely because I love food and eat my stress. Period. No excuses.

2023 has proved to be my most challenging emotional year.

In April, I dealt with the sudden and unexpected death of my of my former employee 10+ years who helped me build my business to what it is today.

For months, I dealt with a long goodbye with my father who passed away this past June.

Then in July, I dealt with the sudden and shocking loss of a dear friends wife who was also a client of mine.

I’ve had many doctors’ appointments trying to navigate my weight gain, hormone imbalance (thanks menopause) and lumps in my breast.

I’ve dealt with stress of running my business and the responsibility of taking on more of a workload when my employee needed time off to deal with unforeseen family needs.

I work 7 days a week and my business is consuming all of my focus and energy. This is not fair to my incredible wife and partner who deserves more.

Despite all of this, I feel extremely grateful. Yet, inch by inch and day by day, my body, mind and soul has taken a beating and been neglected. And it is time to STOP because life is short, and I barely recognize myself these days when I look into the mirror.

So my plan is to take the next 122 days to have boundaries and fight for my own self-care. From this day forward, I’m empowering myself to be my own coach, guide, drill sergeant or more appropriate in this case, Dominatrix, as I change my bad habits and embrace self-care.

I’m sharing this woo-woo reset journey publicly for accountability. Ok, so “public” might be overstating my intention because only a few people may stumble across this blog post about my attempt for a total makeover.

I’m 55 years old and I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. And so it goes, today is the first day on my journey to return to the kick-ass woman who is hiding inside of me.

Stay tuned… this design entrepreneur and overachiever is finding her way back to becoming THE Dominatrix of Design.

#day1 #selfcarejourney #122daymakeover #embracingbetterhabits #dominatrixofdesign #dominatrixformyself #takecarge #resetmylife #watchouthereicome

Becoming the Dominatrix of Design

I absolutely love Interior Design.  I love making spaces beautiful.  I love shopping.  I love colors, patterns, and fabrics.  Did you notice that I didn’t mention that I love clients?  Working over 20 years as an interior designer, I am happy to report that I do love most of them.  But many of them need what I call “The Dominatrix of Design” treatment.  I’ll explain below.

All designers have been asked “what is your ideal client?” and I’m always shocked to hear answers that only describe budget or scope of work.  Am I the only designer who defines my ideal client as being psychologically well?  Because let’s be honest, so many are not!

I believe our clients should: treat us well, pay us well, and respect what we bring to the table. The current profession of interior design has a challenge on our hands. 

We are selling a luxury service to a coupon world.

As a Design Dominatrix… I’d be able to shut down their unreasonable and unrealistic requests with just a look.

As a Design Dominatrix… I’d “whip” their princess behavior into shape and have them thanking me for my strict and authoritative treatment.

As a Design Dominatrix… I would declare “if you insist on shopping online and “helping” me do my job, there will be consequences!” 

I’ve got the answer! 

To match our client’s expectations of working with a design professional, I would love to bill each client on a sliding scale.  Who is with me?  This certainly would help offset our headaches and ulcers for the more time-eating clients. The message would be clear - “Hey client, cease your involvement or you will be charged accordingly!”

Just a thought…

Are Ideal Clients becoming Extinct?

I wish clients understood that when they hire an interior designer, they have hired a professional.  This means they need to give up control as well as their DIY involvement. 

Although I do not consider myself a chef by any means, I’d like to use cooking as an example of how quickly a plan can go wrong. When following a recipe to make soup, let’s say I decide to substitute cinnamon for curry. My reasoning is they are both spices that start with the letter C and are similar in color.  What could go wrong?

When a client deviates from the overall design plan by altering selections that impact the function, feel, or flow – it is a recipe for disaster.  Success is in the details. There is a finesse within the many layers of design. When clients go rogue on even a few selections, they nearly always ruin our intent.  All the correct ingredients are overlooked and overshadowed by the mistake of one poorly chosen item.  All designers can relate to this problem, right?  The struggle is real!

Am I the only designer who wants to burn down the Houzz? Our clients are clicking on every home improvement website, getting drunk on design, and we are enlisted as their codependent partners.  I get exhausted trying to keep up with their ever-changing selections when they see some design photo on the Web that they want to show me.  This, of course, is occurring three weeks after they approved their design plan!

Our clients should know that once the design plan is approved, they should stop their manic online design activity of pinning and sending me helpful suggestions.  Certainly my ideal clients know this.  I find it so disruptive to receive texts all day and night with every single design thought that pops into their head.  Please stop the madness!

So, my advice is to be on the lookout for the ideal design client: 

They are realistic, informed, prepared, and have done their research. Their wish-list is in sync with their budget. They allow the designer to take the leadership role for the project.They comply with the design direction and selections without having to “see it first.”Once the design plan is approved, clients give up control & TRUST THE PROCESS! 

And if by chance you get one of these ideal clients, be sure to treasure them, and treat them like GOLD!  Because it sure seems to me like they are heading towards extinction.